Coversing with Fun Himself

"Okay so I haven't posted in a good bit of time, but that's because I have been so busy. I have come to realize that I use words like, kinda, pretty, and sort of, a lot when I type. Two days ago was a great day after work I caught a ride from Joe, my uncle, to the house since he works down here at the shop also. So on the way there we talked a little about a few minor but drastically life changing things. we had a really good conversation. He and I talked about somethings my mom sometimes lacks to tell me, like to have fun sometimes. He really stressed that to me which really made me happy and able to related to him more than any other adult. Usually you hear the, stay focused but its very rare that you hear the, just relax and have fun. It was refreshing to hear. Of course he told me to think before I do things and not to go out and be reckless. He said that if you don't put yourself in bad situations usually nothing bad will happen and he said to use that in every aspect in my life. I completely agree. I mean there has been times where I knowingly put myself in bad situations and yes, there was a bad outcome. He also made it clear that when he was young yes, fun did exist. they had fun and people sometimes did get into fights but if you didn't like someone that was mostly the extent of it no one tried to kill anyone. He told me that he had actually witnessed a killing in which a woman shot a guy in the head point blank. Scary stuff. We then got on the topic of boy, and since my mom hardly ever talks to me about things like this due to our lack of comfort ion the topic, I felt very happy to talk to him about it. he basically said its completely normal for the opposites sexes to be attracted to each other, that I already knew. he continued in saying what you do with those feelings are either good or bad. there's nothing wrong with looking at a guy and being attracted to him but just watch were your thoughts lead you. Oh and no matter what you do don't become "that girl" he said take that in every way possible, cause no one wants to be married to 'that girl". I definitely enjoyed our conversation together... there will be more."

England! Very Happy Day! :)

ZOO YOU!

Hello viewers, today has been great!!! After discovering that I would not be able to go to Atlanta. My dad, his wife, my stepsister and I went to the zoo. My dad's job, well second job, was having a picnic. It was so hot lol but I got through it though. Me and Klein, my sister, walked around for awhile then we got on the bus for until my dad and Kellee, my stepmother caught up with us. That was today and has been all so far!!

England!

Atlanta Plans Pooped

Well it turns out that I can't go to Atlanta cause a tree fell on their house and knocked their power out.  Normally I would cry, but not today i mean I am kinda disappointed. Things happen and this obviously happened for a good reason. Don't get me wrong I am a little upset about it but there are a few bright sides to this. For one I get to keep my money. Second I might be able to go to church Sunday. It's not really all a lose. I really think I'm growing up here, cause like I said before usually tears would be coming like a flood. There will be another time for me to go. Derrick comes back at the end of July, school for me doesn't start back until August 8th, see there's a week left open and Jessica's pretty much already said I'm welcome to come there. So life is always changing if it wasn't I wouldn't have a thing to write about. I can't say I'm happy to be staying but I'll to I know my way around Memphis fairly well. I'm not sure if I still have that week off though. I think I'll go in I could use the money! Inhale, Exhale Life that's all it is and its not that hard. i love me and everything about it. No really I'm going to be okay :) I can't even be upset.

England!! :) I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm positive, naw I'm going to tell lol

"It's Addictive'

It's funny to think that my smile is contagious but no one can see it but me, so when I look at myself I infect myself with my own identity. The sun hasn't shone in Memphis all week and I've just got back here this week, I'm not implying anything but that maybe it's me. I noticed old people laugh at the most crazy things, things that aren't even funny. I wish I could do that and people wouldn't think I was crazy. But for that to be so, I would have to shove some weed in my back pocket let it hang out so people could see why I was acting so jolly. I don't understand why smoking and stuff is so acceptable but just laughing cause you can isn't. But if i melt a substance down and inject it into my veins I'd the the cool kid, insane. At least while I was still acting sane, cause soon as I started feeling myself folks would begin turning and running for the left. Gone. then at the end I'm left with this addiction, cause is a little hard to quit it once started. To me fitting in is to lose yourself in a riot crowd of killers among the prey. I'd rather water the weeds in my front lawn than pull some up and smoke'em. I'd rather cry or die for the junkie than to be amongst him. I'd rather shoot Santa and burn down the forest his reindeer live in than take any pass from you.

Crack Kills and Weed is Wack
ENGLAND!!

In My Moto

Ain't it when you not sure about something, it comes and alters your perception of the situation. That's life, like i always say. The only way to move forward is to not look back. MOTO. I wish things were not simple I enjoy having to figure my life out and searching for the thing i want, it adds determination. People will be people and once you see them for who they are, know that's who they are. Simple as that. trust your judge, cause even it was wrong what's suppose to be will be.

In Englandtown

Who doesn't have people who make them extremely sick and tired. I just think I have more than the average person. I can't stand seeing you, hearing from you, looking at you, knowing you exist? That's just how I've come to feel about many people I deal with, especially those who you think, did you messy. Everyone knows that somewhere in the mist of all  that despair there lurks a little care as to how their life goes or that could just be me. I sometimes feel I care too much and then sometimes not enough cause my mind wonders to some pretty amazingly dark places with delightful thorns and red colored pitchforks we call roses I hate roses. I think of those people on their faces, crying for dear life. But maybe I'm just a little loose in the head but don't pretend like you never feel even slightly the same way. Feel like just camping out watching their doom take place and not even help. In all actuality that's just how life is, everyone for themselves but, for some reason we get a little upset when actions meet those word and we become really alone. I mean hey that's why I write so I don't feel too alone and so I can say exactly what I feel like without any criticism. This is my Town Englandtown and here I don't feel the need for permission to do what I please.

My Psychologist Peer Kinda

Sitting here on facebook talking to one of my favorite ex classmates, PAHJ.  He's like the most uplifting person I know who actually deals with me in every mental aspect. I can talk to him about anything and he will give me a honest opinion and advise in how to better that situation. He's not shallow at all nor short in his answers, he breaks it all down in simplest form. He's like the most awesome person to ask advice from and it seems he never gets tired of it lol. He just recently graduated from my high school so this year I won't be seeing him AT ALL!!! :) that life though. 

 Anyway, I just recently got home and now I'm not doing much of anything. Gotta find something to do, keep my mind active.

 England'sTown :)

Untitled is the title

Today has been great so far, grandma just got here. We are suppose to be going out to eat with her for lunch. my mom and I have been cleaning up all this morning, I just took the time to get dressed. I've gotten a lot accomplished today as of right now. Once I got dressed I looked up a few thing having to do with college, MTUS and UTKnox. Those are the two colleges I would like to choose from. I want to say in Tennessee cause its cheaper than out of state, but not in Memphis cause I want to move away. I hate Memphis it's so boring! i have also been extremely anxious lately  and excited to go to Ah Tee eLe Ah iN Tee Ah ATLANTA. lol. I am very hopeful that I will make it there and there with a little money in my pocket :( Works been going preety slow and nonexistent for me, I haven't been able to go at all, maybe only one a week. That's life right now so moving on! RightNOW.
EnlgandIsBored

Yesterday On Monday

Good Morning viewers of my blog. Today has officially started out on a good foot. I woke up and me and mom went on on a little walk on the green line in Memphis. Unfortunately I didn't have to go to work today but, that allow for time to spend with my mom just me and her. We made it back here yesterday after taking a few wrong turns on our way back. I had a pretty fair time up there, was ready to come back home though. That was yesterday!   England!

"The Science Before Sex "

Today was a good day, besides me noticeably being in zombie mode. I went to work today, we didn't have any cars in to work on but we did a few estimates. But that's not what I've come to write about, my day really started when I went to church. At first my head was hurting and I didn't want to be there with all the cheerful people feeling like junk. I got a little comfortable, class got started and I was thinking we weren't going to talk about anything. That's when pastor Jerrod, the youth pastor came in to talk to us about a few things. By the way I'm in the advocate class, for like youth leaders or something to that effect. Anyway he got started talking initially about activities we had planned for this up coming week, that's when somehow we got off subject and he started talking about the music we listen to. Now that caught my interest! He stated, in hip hop there is base and something in it  reverts your attention causing your mind to go blank, don't believe me, when your in your car and the musics on and you get lost whats the first thing you do? Turn the music down, so you can concentrate, my point. With that being said, he got into the more sexual aspect of it, and yes this goes on my church, better in here than done out there. So to your head, taking you tongue and gently rubbing it to the roof of your mouth tickles for most people. Now when tongue is involved during a kiss, since males have higher testosterone levels than women, the males mind goes blank and is immediately geared to sex when that kiss occurs. It a little better in women I suppose, they take a little more work to get to. You put on the slow soft music, then her mind starts to slow done. Since she thinks a little more than the men, she's trying to get around and dismiss his efforts, then she takes her final deep breath exhaling all her doubts and  fears. They do it and her mind doesn't come back until its over and the male's return soon later I suppose. that's pretty much how he put it and it made so much sense to me that seems like the way it would happen. That just blew my mind the science behind that and thats what I'm into That's the type of stuff I prefer to learn about in church. This stuff is so real and anything I can learn to be prepared I want to. 

England SEX No!

Set the captives Free"

"I'm just not sure I can cope with this irritation and frustration. I don't know what to do with myself life just ain't working for me and I can no longer tolerate things in my own life going to crap. I'm so stressed out its crazy. Its like the only way to get out is to get away and I can't even do that cause "at home ain't right" thats some bull in my opinion and on here In England thats all that counts. Thats all I wanna hear. Its like when I write I'm talking ands the screen, pages, keyboard, is just agreeing with me helping me, doing exactly what I'm asking of it when ooher things won't. Freedom still hasn't been obtained its clearly in the effing hand of my parent!" signed Every Kid In The World

Not a Rap but Rhyming Words

"I wish death was a song so I could listen to it every night, push pause every now and then just to enjoy the site, get a new beginning so I could finally understand it right.... I hate life, people don't care about you they think about squeezing you til your brain turns to mush and your blood burst from you veins. They hate you, crave you in the night like weed for the pip. They push you down but dont laugh at you  instead they tell you it was for your own good and you believed them, you listen. Allow the fall again until it starts to hurt cause you falling in the same place. They eat you brain out your head, tease you with naked truths and stories of success. They wait for you to cry so they can come and sing you a lullaby, they nurse you then curse you then turn around and reimburse with the very thing they took away form you. You look at them with eyes above all, so you look up to them, you see them as killers killing you filling you with bitter regret you listen as they tell you, you dont understand but you know your own pain. Like rain they flood you with the lust of life looking at all the wrong asspect of the others who you like. They tell you  they dont have their life together and you need to at look at life not the pleasure but my mistake, I thought life was the treasure so using a metal detector, I thought, would be clever. They feed you good food, filled with poison, have you hallucinating all type of noises and they wonder why you cant focus on what they saying, jerking you off with the sound of peace its more than a relief is like a release of you stress. They tell you to do what makes you proud but dont write, they neglect that that's what makes you loud for all to hear and see you transparently, so apparenetly Im realer then you cause you dissect others for that things you want selfishly."
My sister makes me happy!!!

I hate LIFE

I never thought that someone you met so quickly coule be so much fun. This is crazy I guess we just really connect. You know when you wanna make a change and your not sure how to do that cause you just can't get away? Thats how I've been feeling, like I'm ready for change but I just can't seem to get it done here. My mom is no help she just fusses, "with good reason "  but still you would think she would give me a chance anfd her beginning words contridict her end words. Im just tired, just as tired as she is I suppose, frustrated! Makes me want to cry to think that I'm not good enough. i just rather not know her often. i think she dislikes me somtime, I'd rather her just ignore me than to fuss at me cause her fussing just makes me not want to be around. Idk I do know but I think I would be better without her in all truthfulness. I just don't know how to get out of this situation. Its like I can feel my upsetment when I walk through the door to he house UGh! I hate this, She made me soneone I don't like, but only I can change it. I have to make my own decisions on my own life.Right now I hate life I see why kids commit suicide.
Elondon Farris

"Earrings and Necklaces!"

"So me and Mommy are spending quality time together, we're making jewelry... My mom and I went to do my hair at the shop then to get my money from gramps. He's doing a lot better seemingly, his knee rather. He said he mowed the lawn this morning and stuff. He went to the doctor and they gave him a little/ big shot in it to take away the pain of old age lol. So I since I was loaded I took them out to eat dinner at the Cracker Barrel!!! I'm Boss!!! lol So I took the bill and they handled the tip! Then we took  gp home and we continued on our way! We went to Macy's like we had planned before we went to get my money, then to a few hobby stores in which we bought some items to make fabulous JEWELRY!!! When we got home we started right away and have been doing that every since, it has been a success! Now that I'm finished I am blogging and she is still working on hers.. Mom's jewelry looks very nice too, which is what she wanted me to say on here. Not that I blame her, she's been working hard, she deserves a little time to play around with lady life!"

Life Is Worth The Living On Days Like Today!!!
England!!!

"A New Beginning"

Right now my mind is feeling like a timer. So many dates that have not been established along with the things that need to be done. I feel kinda overwhelmed a little annoyed also. I'm not exactly sure why I feel annoyed, maybe cause things aren't going the way I planned. I feel like every second is just being washed down the drain. I really wish I had went to work this week cause my life feels so empty. i guess that has a lot to do with my disconnect from God right now. I mean, and that's not good. Sometimes you feel the need to get yourself together before going to him and I suppose that's where many of us mess up. We decide to get ourselves together instead of bring ourselves to God like we should. I've been in and out of our relationship which is why I'm feeling so empty. I have to make it up in my mind that God is so great that nothing we bring to HIm is out of His control an for awhile I've failed to acknowledge that very fact. Well, of course its something that I know just something that I have failed to do. That's why my life has been feeling so chaotic. I'm also confused on what to say when I pray like, when you've been away from someone for so long and it's been your fault knowing that they wanted to see and talk to you, you feel a little guilty for practically neglecting that other person and in my case it's God. In my mind i feel that we would no longer have anything in common, we wouldn't really be connected. I've been praying every night really but my mind seems to just wonder into left field. I'm trying and my trying  is going to become a DO! So no more mess as of now I'm cutting out all the mess. New start, starting with God.
E'london Farris

"The Trolley"

"Most days are good, yesterday was great when I look back at it. God is so amazing, he creates days worth living full of things I enjoy. Yesterday me and my mom went to see one of her friends from South Carolina. They come here every so often to get Asha, Gail's daughter, her checkups. See she had cancer, she's fine now, but of course she has to come to St. Jude to make sure she's okay. So yesterday we went to pick them up and took them out to eat. It was my first time meeting them but they appear to be extremely nice people. Asha seems to be kinda quite but she laughs and puts in her few words every now and then. Now her mom is very social, nice too, she has a nice style and seems to enjoy life, she does have a lot to enjoy for a fact. She also so does hair like my mom which assisted them with numerous things to talk about. Anyway we went to T.G.I. Fridays for dinner, the one located downtown. After dinner we went and rode the trolley down on the riverfront. Its amazing to see the people who get on and off, their diiferent personalities and attire lol. There was two white people who got on, not a couple but it seemed as if they worked together. The man told me they lived in Michigan so I took it they were here on business and decided to take a ride to get a little familiar with downtown Memphis. The woman and the man talked for awhile just loud enough for me to hear and they sure didn't seem to mind me listening esspecially since earlier the male had asked me something about the Memphis Pyramid. They soon ended up on the conversation of the woman raising Monarch butterflies, which definately caught my interest. She talked about her sister and herself planting milkweed, thats apparently what the butterflies lay their larva on. She then continued in detail explaining what she and her sister did. They bring the butterflies into their houses and nurture them until they become butterflies then she said they ship them somewhere, where they then are fly to a place in Mexico to soon die. Soon after that conversation they got of on Union St where they had got on after going around once and we proceeded our ride. A few more interesting characters got on and off but the intown colleagues were by far the most amusing of all the trolley riders. We,  Asha, my mom, Ms.Gail and I, rode around twice after, we got off and walked to the car and took them home or wherethey were staying until they planned to leave for the flight they will be catching today back to the Carolina.  I'm not sure when to except to see them again but since St.Jude is one of a kind I figure they will be back for checkups again or we will be visiting them...."

                                 LONDON ENGLAND

No Reason

"Voice, a break in the silence to interrupt my train of thought while I was thinking of inarticulateness you are blunt  to integrate into my space. ME? I cannot be defined as anything but a mortal. Very broad I know, humans are everyone because at some point we all encounter the same feelings but individuality meets self when choices are made. We all begin this lively journey the same way, take numerous roads and detours to end at the same place, dead. Conclusively, you would think we live to die but death is freedom in which we live and for to live forever."                           NOT England!

Permit, No work!

i started my job and I already have a day off BENEFITS lol this is the life. I even get payed for this day too> today I did not go to work because we don't have any cars in. So today I will be going to sign up for the ACT that my mom has been hounding me about with every right. These last few days have been eventful. Saturday I was suppose to go out with this lady but she just didn't come loser. No biggie today Im going to get my permit!

Just Do It!

I've come to realize its getting late for me, its that time its past that time really but I  have been just waiting fot something to happen that just might not ever. Seeing the success around makes me wonder why haven't I reached it yet I mean it has to be somewhere out there for me. I guess you really never do anything about life until you get tired and I'm officially tired. My life is half gone and I have nothing to show for it. My mom talks to me about these things but I really have to figure these things out for myself and I do believe today is the day to do it not a day later. My life can only wait so long for me to live it.             England

done!

ok first of all : FORGET HIM!!!! forget his name, forget what he looks like, delete him from facebook. You don't really like him, you were just put in a situation set up to make you like him. you came to another state and was automatically expecting to have some fun. when you got here and met him you thought that he was kinda cute and he was good with words so you gave him a chance. then after spending three days together in the same room you had no choice but to fall head over heels for him. if you would have only seen him once we wouldnt even be having this conversation. so just leave it alone, forget him, and suck it up