Make that change!

Words can either break or make a person. Slaughter them or make them want to slaughter themselves. Nothing really matters in life besides what you lead people to think of you, personality wise. Not based on looks or smarts but you as a person. Of course all those other things matter to a certain extent but not to the extremity of life or death. I want to base my life on understanding myself and having others understand me because they want to not because I forced them to by crying, screaming, or making things all too serious. Life is for enjoyment not harsh rules and anger, nor judgement. I wish more people understood this simple concept of me and the way I plan to live once on my own.
~Its time for a change and tears will no longer be involved. I will scream to my lungs in defense for what I love and who I am, those who show no mercy to my ears neither will they receive any.~      -E'London
 "Let the harmony of my voice and the tempo of my words penetrate the spirit within you, that we might be together in a realm further than the visible."
 Me.

RoseBush Journey

Like a rosebush deeply planted into the foundation of the earth, we sprout out of darkness into light when we mature, but not every attempt is a successful one. Not everyone will make it in life and those who do, was it really based on their choices or could it merely have been their destiny. In just the same manner, does the rose bud get a choice as to if it really wants to bloom into a rose. I'd imagine the rose also has a destiny to either survive and thrive or die and be forgotten just like us in life. Whether it be survive or die I believe it also has some amount to do with purpose. Some things in life are just stepping stones to help you grow and I think some people are just stones. Not every person is to be remembered or to be kept around, but even with me knowing that I myself find it hard to not grow attached to those very people. Just a simple thank you for your time and an expeditious move on should be what i give them but to continue to grow with someone who is not intended to grow with you will only result in failure for the both of you. The rose must stay attached to the bush for it is the rose's source of life. Unlike with us others are not our source so we may easily move on to better things. Life is a journey but what would it be if we never progressed, death.

What I want

Today has been such an ellaborste day. I feel so refreshed. I cut some people out of my life and was able to focus on me with a little help. It was time for a change and I'm happy that now im dedicated to making it. Something new isn't always good, but this new will be The Best. I feel myself coming back slowly but surely reaching myself on a spiritual level.
Anyway I found a few things that in my mind are Must Haves.
The sweatshirt I want.
The backpack I need since mine is over for it.

Not Today

I don't know whats going on with me today. I just can't stop crying , I started this cycle but my emotions shouldn't be this bad I don't think and I just can't get my mind around what's wrong. i feel like i wanna die and its like my heart and everything that's inside of me want to burst into flames.
I'm so hurt and upset and lost. I just wanna die, I hate days like this and I just can't seems to shake them, I'm just overwhelmed with emotion and I don't know what to do. There's nothing to do but cry, I know thats not realistic but I just feel dead already. I just hate life, I don't like it at all. I just wish that I could exhale the life out of myself. I don't know if anyone else ever gets like this but if they ever did I'm sure they aren't here to tell me how they got through it. I'm so out, I don't know what I feel. Today is not the day.