Particular Thoughts

     Usually I might not have anything particular to say about any situation so I just start typing, but today is not one of those usual times. I have a little something on my mind having nothing to do with you personally but you in general, if that makes sense. This morning I was thinking , why is it when you want something so great to happen in someone else's life they don't seem to want the same for themselves? I hear this question almost everyday from my mom during one of her famous "Getting You On the Right Track" lectures. I guess its not so much that I don't want or expect much in my own life, its more that I don't see the need right now. Of course I see the need to make good grade and things like that but just things you can't really control like how the weather effect my hair when I go to a party which leaves you thinking I have been doing something unacceptable is just ridiculous.This happened a while ago, but that thought still lingers in my mind as to how untrustworthy I am in your mind. It bugs me to my ends to know I might never me old enough to be old enough to do anything. On these rare occasions when I think a lot about things that don't concern these times, I feel like I've taken a step back from life and have fallen to a place so familiar I'm almost not only thinking of it but living it also. Sometime I feel as if I can't tell reality form my mere thoughts. Things sometimes get so bad that I literally think I'm dreaming and soon I'll wake up and it will be yesterday before this volcano erupted. But I wont think too hard about anything particular for awhile I'll just think when I do and rest my imagination when life is just too good and I'll live in the real, but hold so close to my fantasies of life that when I need them I could just close my eyes and I would be gone once more.