Only Up

The end of a perfect story always leaves me wondering when I will be that main character, or even if things can actually happen that way. I don't doubt the fact that I'm a pretty exceptional girl for my age and my mind is past the time of those older than me, which sometime makes me fill like I don't fit into any category of people. Sometimes I settle for thing less than stellar but that's a subconscious choice of mine. I often wonder if God would ever create people with the soul purpose of dying. I'd doubt it and even if He did that would never me an option, life is just too good and death just seems so barren and vacant. I just cant compete happiness with the disappointment I feel, if you are reading this timing might be perfect but this has nothing to do with you. Stories of life seem so carefree coming from the mouths of others, while mine crash into a painful deaths. I had a talk with someone I consider the best, we talked about being loved and what we felt about it. I think I have a right to be loved and that's something I should be able to gain but it seems to be something I cant even see, speak of, or hear to even tell stories about. lol My mom once asked me if I was bipolar, no I just have so much I choose not to share, and my emotions are so impressionable that sometimes I can't control how I feel. I wish I could talk and say how I feel, and now even typing all that I am there are things I just refuse to type or speak on. You'll never truly know what's going on with me and sometimes I feel that's a good thing and other times, when I'm screaming and no ones around to hear me or even look at me, that its not. I'm nothing to the world and the world is nothing to me. I long to me like no one, I love me but it would be nice to be able to talk to someone who gives a crap and that'll say more than I think it'll be ok. I hate I have been the type to hold things in so long that letting them out seems more of a burden than not expressing them. I get sick to my stomach not saying anything and smiling, I'm happy all the time and people seem to notice that about me so crying is not a part of my displayed character. Sucks For Me...