Distant Touch

Its raining outside but that's no excuse. My return was highly anticipated but I'm not back yet. I get so bored with myself sometimes. I wish I could find the right words to tell you that I really do have something to say, but all I can come up with is this blank look on my face and I know you wish I'd speak. Inside I wonder why your so disappointed even though I hear you clearly when you say I let you down. I pulled you up on hopes, let you grab my hand even, then let you fall, that's how I see it as you say it... but I know it can't really be the brutal. I didn't even bother saying I was sorry cause I doubt you would even hear it over your despair. I feel you staring at me but I can't bear to look at you, you lean to me I lean away, what's wrong. If there was, I still wouldn't tell you it's not like it would change the fact that I won't let you be around me. Or I won't let me be around you, either way you put it we're still distant. I can't lie and say I don't mind cause that would let you down more. I wish you'd just choose not to be here, I know I would be sad but that's something I hope your happiness would fix. I have too much on my mind and time won't allow me to confess it but at least let me say I know I'm wrong. I'm not sorry but I'll admit I'm wrong. I'm not all to blame though, some of this is your fault, and I know you don't see it as such but just for my sake, if you cared you would right your flaws in my eyes, thats what I'm trying to do. I hope you understand that I'm not being forceful but passionate with my words and the choices so that you don't miss my point. I don't know you and you refusing to hear me just makes things worse and trust, I do hear you but understandance is something that I lack so much. I try but my attempts fail like your attempts to be with me. I swear I'm not pushing you away, just think of it as me not allowing you to get closer than you already are.