I Take It Personal

I'm, in a million words less than I can think of, tired. I really have accepted the fact that I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I'm positive that its not something confusing me more. I have grown past childish things, but some things I just do for my laughs cause I don't take things too serious that shouldn't be. Some people aren't meant to be in your life and when they, for some reason, choose to stay I try not to be rude about getting them out. Then there are some things, you truly want to work out in your life just so you can say you were, at one point, happy. I'm a sure-of-myself type of person but when it comes to things that effect more than just me, for some reason I don't like being the one to call the shots. If there was something wrong with me, I would just let it heal before I would tell people. This is becoming personal,  but personal is what makes me human and vulnerable to emotion, I enjoy that. Some people who act  like things don't phase them usually aren't being real, and those who act like everything effects them are the same. I try not to be either but live life as everyday allows and judge the things that come along based on it being worth my time. Tears are often shed caused by the efforts life throws just to get you down. I love myself to much to tolerate fake love from anyone. Who doesn't want to be heard without being condemned for their thoughts, I would. That's not the case though cause people will take what you say to heart and you'll end up more than likely breaking hearts. Not that I don't care I just don't care if you've deliberately done the same to me. No use in contemplating the obvious in life, in general. I thought I never wanted to see a face of care again, but you need those types of things to keep you going and to keep you safe from the bad. Pity is not sympathy, pity is pathetic and I don't want it. I don't even have to have the truth, I just want to fell like I'm not being lied to. The truth would be nice, but I'm sensitive so not the kind intended to hurt. I cant nor do I want to be the receiver of bad news. If my sadness is the aftermath of your choices then be done. Say so. But if no wrong has been done, state your reason with no regret. People a lot of times do things they will and know they will regret I'm guilty of that... but I'll say my apologies and expect for you to forgive me no matter the damage. Selfish and stupid huh? I don't care how bad something may have hurt, I still want you to forgive me, don't expect me to do the same though. My feelings count now because for a long time they seemed to have not. I was the one to hide my words from my tongue and and not let them escape my lips, for some reason. I wouldn't regret it, but I do find it unfortunate that you never asked me how I felt. This subject is touching on a lot. That's intended cause passion is inescapable along with imagination. I would imagine perfection and it would look like a flower wet with dew, bright and bold. A kid in overalls would come to it, amazed by its beauty. The kid would snatch the flower by its stem out of the ground, and quickly run it into his house. There the boy would get a vase put water in it and neatly place the flower in the water, unaware of the damage he had just done. The next few days the flower would slowly die. The boy would cry when it finally did and he'd take it outside and place it gently in the flower bed, sad. That's life perfectly... life, death, the you go back where you started. That's how I see it and that's how I would like it to be for me. I wouldn't pretend I cared if I really didn't and I would tell you I did if that were true.